My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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