My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
