How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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