But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
