NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
