he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
