I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
