um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
