I heard we made out
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
