I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
