My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
