I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
