I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
