I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I wish I only lived at night.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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