Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
