My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
