32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
