Its about making memories worth repressing
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
