i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
