The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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