btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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