I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
false alarm, still single
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
