I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
