I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
