Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
