You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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