We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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