I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
