I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
