Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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