...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
