I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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