It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
