she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
