Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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