I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
And my parents said I crawled through the house
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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