just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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