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At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
40s are totally the cure
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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