theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
No subtext here. People are naked.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just forgot I was standing up.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
