Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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