New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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