I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
