i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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