Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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