I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
