There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
