kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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