Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
