I'm jealous of your bromance
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
