How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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