I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
