I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
